Life Changing Moments

Most days are routine.  I shower, eat breakfast, drive to work, put in a days work, drive home, eat dinner, spend some time with the family, get ready for bed, and then go to sleep.  Sounds pretty boring.  However, there are some days that are "impact days".  Impact days are days where something happens to change a life direction.  Everyone has them.  Some impact days are good, and some are bad.

One of my early impact days as an adult was in the summer of 1987.  I was single, just out of college, had a new job, and a new apartment.  My apartment was bare.  The only furniture I had was an air mattress and a card table.  I had returned to the apartment after work and was winding down.  After a dinner of cold cereal, there was a knock on the door.  It was my first guest in my home as an adult.  Two men were at the door, wanting to talk.  They were both in their thirties, and I had never seen them before.  They were from a local church and wanted to welcome me to the neighborhood and to their church.  I invited them in, and we talked for about 30 minutes.  Since I had no furniture, they had to sit on the floor, leaning back against the wall.  I don't really recall what we talked about specifically, but I was grateful for the visit and they invited me to their church on Sunday.  After they had left, I received a phone call.  That was unusual because I had just got the phone, and the only person who had my number was the leasing office at the apartment complex.  The man on the other end of the phone made some small talk and then proceeded to proposition me to a homosexual encounter.  I had never been exposed to a gay advance or to any type of brazen proposal.  I hung up and immediately bolted the door.   That day I was shown two paths.  I did go to church that following Sunday, and a few months later, I accepted Christ as my savior.  

Another impact day was about a year later.  I had met this really amazing, fun and beautiful woman - but she was engaged to another man.  I was captivated by her, but I kept my distance, knowing she was not available.  I saw her every day at work, and we talked often.  Dating wasn't an option, but friendship was.  I got to know her better as a friend over the next few months.  My impact day was after this.  This amazing girl wanted to talk to me.  She told me that she was no longer engaged.  I had resigned myself to being just another friend.  That night, I looked at her completely differently.  She was still the same amazing, fun and beautiful girl I had as a friend.  However, now she gave me hope for more.  At that moment, I decided I wanted more.  I asked her on a first date and we went out to eat that very night.  In hindsight, I see that God had blessed me by making things go slowly.  I was able to first make a friend without any girlfriend/boyfriend pressures or expectations.  Three years later, I married that girl, and she's been impacting my life ever since.

Another impact day was in 1996.  My bride was expecting our first child, and we were so excited.  However, things were not going well.  We went to the doctor together to see the latest ultrasound.  However, when the doctor located the baby, it had become an unorganized mass.  The doctor diagnosed it as a molar pregnancy, where the baby's development becomes unorganized into a cancerous tumor.  My world was unravelling.  In the morning, I was an excited expectant dad.  My evening, the baby was lost and my wife needed surgery to remove a tumor.  It was on that day that I learned not to take anything for granted.  God did choose to rescue my baby girl and my wife.  I was so thankful, but I learned that day not to take anything in life for granted.  I learned that God gives and takes away at his good pleasure.  God has taught me this lesson again and again since.

There have been many impact days since.  The birth of my children, infant hospitalizations, first hugs, and more were all impactful.  Each one helped me bond with the child and their mother.  

There are two kinds of impact days - celebrations and tragedies.  For the first 40 years of my life, most of my impact days have been celebrations.  Since then, they have shifted more towards tragedy.  I remember the day my son was diagnosed with autism.  I didn't even know what autism was.  I still don't have a real handle on what it means.  Although we never verbalized it, we had lots of expectations, hopes and dreams for our boy.  We believed our boy was typical.  I had expectations of teaching him how to play sports, and becoming a big baseball and football fan.  But my boy really didn't develop any interest in team sports.  He preferred to be alone.  He never really liked to hug his parents or show any affection.  The day we received his diagnosis pushed us down a path that we still are stumbling down.  It brought us ongoing depression.  It brought financial hardship and emotional distress.  It brings us fear for his future.  We are afraid to hope.  We now are working for his retirement instead of our own.  However, it has brought us an excitement to reach milestones that would otherwise have gone unnoticed.  He was eight years old when he first told us "I love you".  I remember the excitement I felt when I realized he could add and subtract 3-digit figures.  I remember the pride I felt when I saw his precise handwriting when he proactively wrote a list of all of his favorite cartoon characters.  The day of his diagnosis was an impact day that changed everything.

Another impact day was my wife's cancer diagnosis.  That was a scary and terrifying time.  There were lots of tears.  However, there was always hope.  That day brought out my tenacity and purpose.  We were facing a severe treatment, but we were sure we could get through it.  Surgery and chemo were traumatic for her.  Talking to my kids about it was traumatic for me.  It was the hardest thing I had ever done up to that point.  Recovery is slow, but I expect it will be complete someday.

All through life, I've seen God's hand in these impact days.  The celebration days are easy.  However, lately I struggle to see what God is doing in the tragedies, especially when the tragedy is far worse than anything good we can learn or glean from them.  It frustrates me tremendously that God might use someone else's tragedy to teach me something.  I don't understand why God would plague my son with autism.  I don't know why God would drag my wife into depression.  I don't know why God would choose to strike my wife with cancer.  I don't know why he fails to protect a child from evil.  I find my faith being strained in the trial, not strengthened.  But as I waiver, I keep coming to the same conclusion - from John 6:67-69:

"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve.  Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.  We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

Contrasts

When I look around, I see a broken world.  Nothing is as it should be - everything is flawed or failing.  Troubles are everywhere - unavoidable.  There are people around every bend who will steal you blind or take advantage of you whenever possible.  There are dangers everywhere, from tornadoes to rabid dogs, and from bullets to clogged arteries.  In this world there are only shades of goodness.  Nothing is truly good - everything is marred and will abused or decay.  Sometimes it is so discouraging that you just want to close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist.

At those times, I wish I would remember the contrast.  All these blemishes - all the mars and stains, all the corruption and misdeeds, all the troubles and dangers - they are worldly and they will pass.  I lament at the darkness of this world, but I can't even imagine what it would be like if it were completely good and pure.  The contrast will be so far beyond my wildest dreams.  I detest the evil, and know that I can't avoid it.  However, even though I cannot avoid it today, there will be a day when I will be free from it.  In heaven, the disgust of the world system will be replaced with a delight for what is totally good.  I look forward to that delight - and wait impatiently.

Christmas

It's Christmastime again.

What does that mean to me? Lots of things - maybe too many to talk about.

Christmas means work. It takes a lot of work to prepare for this holiday. It is like no other. I dread getting the Christmas boxes out of the attic. We have a miniature snow village we like to put up - it has 20+ separate pieces and takes up half a room to display. We have six or so different nativity scenes. We make the effort because the kids like it. I am thankful we have never put up exterior lights. We do try to make Christmas cookies each year for cookie exchange. It does seem that Christmas cookies are always the most difficult to make. We make the dough, roll and cut out shapes, and hand decorate each cookie. Maximum effort per cookie! No wonder Christmastime is so hectic!

Christmas also means the dreaded Christmas letter. I must admit that the Christmas letter is not only for helping friends keep up with one another - it is also to help us chronicle our lives. It is really nice to be able to look back at a Christmas letter from 20 years ago and refresh our memories of what was going on back then.

Christmas means shopping. We have four kids - all who love the idea of gift exchange. At one point they were all about getting presents. Now they get quite excited about going shopping themselves to get presents for each family member. Each child wants to go shopping with mom or dad individually, in order to keep the secrecy. Finding time for four additional major shopping trips is difficult.

Christmas is about family. Most everything we do during this season is for family. I must admit that communication between my brother and sisters peaks around this time of year. Most years we have family join us for Christmas, which is always welcome.

Christmas is about memories. Putting up our tree is a walk down memory lane. Long ago we decided to add a Christmas tradition to get a new tree ornament each year that would remind us of something that happened that year. Now, we have a large number of ornaments that remind us of specific events throughout our lives. Our goal is to reflect on each ornament as we put them up. Our practice is to rush through them without much thought.

Amid all of this, Christmas is about God's love. Christ humbled himself and came as a baby in order to save us. It's so easy to overlook or take this for granted. We try to be intentional in efforts to focus on Christ. Cookies, presents, trees, have nothing to do with Christ. We do try to infuse Christ into the other areas with Christian ornaments, or spiritual presents. They do help, but they aren't intentional enough. I purpose each year for my family to try to intentionally direct focus on Christ at Christmas. I purpose not to do it through any family traditions, but it different, new and fresh ways each year. I pray for inspiration.

Competition - friend or foe

I've been listening to the song " What kind of World do you Want " by Five for Fighting), and it has made me pause. If I could change the world in some little way - what would I do? What needs fixing?

I know the correct answers. Sin is the real problem in this world, and when God removes the sin, the new heaven and new earth will be magnificent. I know that the love of money is the root of all evil, and I know that self-centeredness is usually the reason people are cruel. My lament is much more limited. If I could change the current world in a smaller way, I would like to remove the value and ideal of competition.

I imagine this is hard for some to swallow. In America we value competition right along with freedom. Doesn't competition bring excellence and advancement? While I do acknowledge this, my lament is that it also brings sin and misery. While excellence and advancement are good, they could be achieved under a different value structure. Why can't we pursue excellence just because it is God-honoring? Why do we only pursue excellence in order to beat a competitor?

Our free market society is based on two principles - man is essentially bad and that only through competition he will strive to perform better. Those are pretty good assumptions as the world stands today. But remember - I want to change the world.

Competition has its ugly side. With competition, there is normally one winner, and a bunch of losers. We've all seen winners who struggle with arrogance and fear that someone will knock them off their perch (which they will). There are countless examples of "winners" who beg, borrow and steal in order to keep their status. Worst of all, their misplaced confidence often keeps them from relying on God for their needs.

The losers get "life lessons". They sometimes learn how to perform better next time, but most learn how to better choose their competitors. They get a new motto - If you can't beat the best, then beat up on the worst." That is the only way most Americans can feel good about themselves and keep out of the "loser" category.

I'd like to change this to a simple more Biblical model. We are all losers. But even though, we are all losers, we all have value. Furthermore, through faith in Jesus Christ, we can all be winners. This model negates the need to compete with one another. We don't need to beat another person to attain victory.

I've seen way to much of the extremes of competition lately. In the public high school, it is all about competition. At the high school level, no child left behind is a myth. Every extracurricular event the high school offers is competition-based. Participation involves a competition based try-out and a commitment to compete against other schools. Grading systems are set up to slot students based on academic achievement. This is all part of the game to compete for college entrance, scholarships, and jobs. Everyone is treated the same and are expected to compete to get what they want. Students start gaining their identity and value by their achievements. It does prepare students for what they will see in the real world. But remember - I want to change that world.

At our special-needs school, it is exactly the opposite. The kids are so protected from competition that they hardly even know what it is. Every kid is given an individualized education plan (by law), so there are no standards and no comparisons between students. It sounds great, but it doesn't really prepare students for the real world. But remember - I want to change that world.

I remember back in the early 1990s reading the book The Search for Significance, by McGee. My memory is pretty fuzzy on this, but I recall him doing an excellent job of explaining that the value of a person is not dependent on his capabilities, intelligence or performance. In my world, people will understand and embrace that all people are invaluable because they carry the image of God.

Yes, in my world I would also cure cancer, end depression, stop poverty, outlaw war, and the like, but those are self explanatory, so I don't need to expound on them.  I would go farther than that - I'd change the fabric of our natures - and weed out our desire to be better than one another.  Of course, this will happen eventually - in God's timing.